can I stop drinking alcohol and still (almost) pee my pants laughing?
this and other questions, answered by Steph Still 🥂
Hi! I hope you enjoy this conversation with the lovely Steph. And while you’re here, consider tapping the ❤️ above — it helps this newsletter more than you know!
I won’t waste too much time introducing you to Steph, because she already does it so eloquently here and here, but I will tell you that I’ve been in awe of Steph ever since I met her.
Steph is an online creator and storyteller who leads with oodles (truly, oodles!!) of wisdom, courage, and vulnerability. As the founder of Steady Sunday, a modern online community for sober and sober-curious young adults, Steph uses her platform to share nuggets of wisdom, journaling prompts, and other content designed to help her audience reflect and grow.
In this interview, we chat about:
why sober-curiosity is having its moment
the one thing Steph recommends to change your relationship with alcohol
how to create joy and connection sans alcohol (and yes, still nearly pee your pants laughing).
If you’ve ever contemplated, questioned, or established a relationship with alcohol, been curious about being sober-curious, or enjoy learning about new (and potentially life-changing) perspectives, this one’s for you! ❤️
Hi, Steph! First things first: Steady Sunday is “a space for sober and sober-curious young adults to heal, connect, and grow into their most authentic selves.”
I love that language. What advice would you give someone who’s considering changing their relationship with alcohol, but doesn’t know where to start?
Thank you! It means a lot to hear you say that because I fined-tuned the language over many weeks before launching the business.
When I was first giving up alcohol, the conversation surrounding sobriety felt exclusive and I had trouble relating to it. I wanted Steady Sunday to be a place where people feel included regardless of what sobriety looked like to them.
For someone who’s just starting out, my advice would be to try giving up alcohol for 30 days. That may seem like a long time, but I think it’s the minimum amount of time for someone to feel the benefits of not drinking. Keep a journal during this time to track how you’re feeling physically and emotionally, and any other changes you’re noticing.
In order to change your relationship with alcohol, you need to break the cycle.
Oftentimes (and in my experience), people get stuck in a cycle of drinking because it’s all they know: they drink with friends each weekend because it’s easy, it’s what they’ve always done.
In order to change your relationship with alcohol, you need to break the cycle and give your body and mind time to feel what it’s like without it. I’ve heard many stories from people who liked how they felt so much that their relationship with alcohol was forever changed…and it all started with 30 days!
Steady Sunday welcomes both sober and sober-curious individuals into its community. Can you tell us more about sober-curiosity and what it looks like?
Sure! I believe that anyone who has thought about, or has an interest in, what life would look like without alcohol is at least a little bit sober-curious.
This doesn’t mean that you have a problem; it could just mean that you’ve experienced even the smallest negative side effects from alcohol.
For me, sober-curiosity first looked like being sick of waking up hungover and doing damage control with friends. I often imagined what life would look like if I didn’t drink, or if I was able to drink less. Even though I never acted on those thoughts until many years later, I would consider myself sober-curious during that time.
For others, sober-curiosity may look like the desire to have a healthier relationship with alcohol, even if you don’t want to cut it out completely. It can mean being intentional about your reasons for drinking rather than going along with social pressures.
I think the sober-curious movement is having a moment right now because the idea of being completely ‘sober’ can seem like a big commitment. Sober-curiosity is a friendly, inviting jumping-off point. Regardless of what your goals are, I think any thoughts about building a healthier relationship with alcohol are amazing and productive.
For those of us who are considering sobriety or changing our relationship to alcohol, are there any questions you’d recommend we ask ourselves?
I think one of the most common questions people Google when they’re questioning their relationship with alcohol (myself included) is: “Am I an alcoholic?”
But this question invites black-and-white thinking. It assumes that there are only two kinds of people in this world — alcoholics and non-alcoholics — when in reality, there’s a lot of gray area.
I’ve put together a list of more productive questions to ask yourself. These questions will not tell you if you should stop drinking, because that's not what I'm here to do; instead, they will help you reflect on the reasons you drink and how alcohol affects your life.
What are some of the reasons I drink?
What situations do I tend to drink the most in?
Is the outcome of my drinking predictable? Am I in control?
Am I more or less the same person when I'm drinking?
Is drinking affecting my overall happiness?
Have I ever felt that my life would be better if I didn't drink?
You can find these questions and more in this blog post.
An unhealthy relationship with alcohol can correlate with an unhealthy relationship with food and body image. Why do you think that is?
This is a question I am still trying to figure out for myself. I had an unhealthy relationship with food and my body long before I started drinking; when I started drinking alcohol as a teenager, I think one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much was because it allowed me to stop thinking so much about food and my body.
Once I gave up drinking, those thoughts came back with a vengeance. I’ve been on a journey to heal this part of me ever since.
I think a potential correlation could be a desire for control; I like routine and structure and struggle when things feel out of control. Controlling my food intake and body shape allowed me to feel a sense of control over my life, whereas alcohol allowed me to let go of it.
It’s a really interesting topic; I’m hoping to explore it more in the future.
As the sober-curious movement swells, a bunch of new alcohol-free beverages are popping up too. What are some of your favorites?
My all-time favorite has to be De Soi. I am obsessed with their aperitif as well as their ready-to-drink cans. They taste like sophisticated adult beverages (instead of super-sugary mocktails).
A few of my other favorites are AVEC, For Bitter For Worse, and Figlia.
Steady Sunday provides connection and community, two things we all seek — they’re essential to the human experience!
So often, alcohol is provided in settings where the goal is connection and community — work retreats, group dinners, weddings, concerts — but does it actually help us meet those goals? How might our connections change if we changed our relationship to alcohol?
When I first gave up drinking, this was one of my biggest fears. I thought it would be impossible to enjoy these types of events and connect with others without alcohol. I was convinced that a sober life equaled a boring life.
But as I’ve attended more events like these over the years, I’ve realized just how enjoyable they can be without alcohol, and how much deeper I’m able to connect with everyone there.
So much of this journey is about looking out for your future self.
A few months ago, I was at a wedding in the Bahamas. This was the first time in my sobriety journey I’ve felt left out in a long, long time. I mean, it was the Bahamas! I should have been drinking alcohol out of a coconut.
But later that night, when others were drunk on the dance floor, I saw the bride’s grandmother sitting by herself. I brought her a glass of water and we had a wonderful chat about life.
This probably wouldn’t have happened if I had been drinking that night (and don’t get me wrong, I still broke it down on the dance floor sober). But it’s moments like these that remind me we can all find deeper connection without being clouded by alcohol.
Can you share some tips for finding sober and sober-curious friends and connections — and for maintaining current relationships in a healthy, boundaried way?
I will answer this with five lessons I’ve learned in my 3.5 years of recovery:
The only people who get upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having them.
If people leave your life (abruptly or over time) because you decided to drink less, they were not your friends to begin with.
If you want to attract real friends, be a real friend.
If you want to attract friends with similar interests, do things you’re actually interested in.
Making new friends is like dating. Some people will be matches and some won’t!
The holidays are around the corner, and I know that can be a tricky time. Do you have any holiday-friendly mocktails and non-drinking activities to share?
Oh boy…I cannot believe we’re already heading into another holiday season!
First, I’ll say that for the past three years, I’ve avoided celebrating Halloween to protect my sobriety. But this is the first year I am getting excited to dress up and go out again! I share this as proof that how you feel about things when you first explore sobriety may not be how you always feel.
Anywho, there are many ways to celebrate the holidays without drinking. I like to look at Eventbrite for holiday activities near me, or plan small get-togethers with good friends.
How you feel about things when you first explore sobriety may not be how you always feel.
And if you’re nervous for the holidays because it can be a tricky time with family, this is one of my favorite podcast episodes on this topic.
It’s been a joy to watch you grow Steady Sunday into what it is now! As a small business owner, could you give us a peek into what goes on behind the scenes: what tools you use, how you create goals for yourself, what your day-to-day looks like?
Thank you so much! Honestly, my answer is a lot different now than what it would have been six months ago. I’ve taken the pressure off myself to grow the business and make it perfect, which has allowed me to get back to the purpose of why I started it in the first place.
Some of my favorite tools:
Notion — I use this to organize not only Steady Sunday stuff, but my personal life as well!
Zapier — This has helped me automate many parts of my business and saved me so much time on monotonous tasks, like updating spreadsheets, or adding people to my email list.
Flodesk — This female-founded email marketing platform is how I send out all my Steady Sunday emails and newsletters. I love it.
I’ve taken the pressure off myself to grow the business and make it perfect, which has allowed me to get back to…why I started it in the first place.
My day-in-the-life lately has been dividing my time between job searching (I’m looking for a new full-time role as I transition Steady Sunday back into a side project) and working on Steady Sunday.
This could mean anything from replying to customer emails, engaging with the community in our Geneva chat, updating the website, creating social content, writing our weekly newsletter every Wednesday, and more.
What has surprised you most about your own sobriety journey — and about starting your own business?
The fact that I can still laugh hard enough to almost pee my pants while sober was very surprising.
All the things I didn’t know about starting a business when I tried to start my business were very surprising.
You share a lot of great resources on the Steady Sunday website about sobriety, recovery, and mental health. What is one thing you’ve learned that you’d like readers to know?
Sobriety is hard.
Making the conscious choice each day to not drink is hard — but drinking was hard for me as well. Knowing that I wasn’t acting in alignment with the person I knew I could be was hard. But I knew one path would get easier, and one path would lead me to a place I didn’t want to be.
So much of this journey is about looking out for your future self.
It’s time for a bonus round! What’s your favorite:
Netflix show: New Girl
Way to spend a Sunday: Walking, reading, and getting organized for the week ahead
Author (current or all-time): John Green
Trader Joe’s snack: Crunchy Curls. I’ve heard people think they taste like styrofoam, but I love them.
Berkeley hang-out spot: I recently moved out of Berkeley, and I already miss the Tilden trails!
Steph (she/her/hers) is a 24-year-old marketer, content creator, and founder. In 2020, she started sharing her sobriety journey online, hoping to connect with other non-drinkers in their twenties. As she engaged with her growing audience on Instagram and YouTube, she saw a need for what eventually became Steady Sunday: a modern online community for sober and sober-curious young adults. When she’s not staring at her computer, she enjoys cooking, hiking, and spending too much time reorganizing her apartment.
Loved this. Thanks!